And There's the Sore Spot
by Kilyra
Summary: This takes place much earlier than my other story. It's about her revealing what happened to usher her leaving the Alienage...and gives insight into why she's not crazy about her companions.


Ugh. As painful as it was, she had to try and get along with her fellow comrades-in-arms, especially since they had unofficially thrust her into the forefront. She could accept that role, she had naturally fallen into leadership roles often while growing up, in fact, and she was branded a bit of a troublemaker for it on more than one occasion. But for Maker's sake, why did it have to be a bunch of humans? She hated them all. She truly did. Sure, they were nice to her, they openly accepted her direction, her guidance. They even acted like friends. But she knew what they were all made of, and she hated them for it. She even hated them for their masks of friendships, while secretly they must all be leering at her, wondering why she was even among them, over-stepping her place in the world.

They were aware she wasn't overly fond of them, her cold shoulder had long become a fact of life and the times she made attempts at reaching out were more uncomfortable than welcoming. The only reason they followed her was her innate aptitude as strong leader. There was no room to doubt her as she just knew what had to be done and had the unending supply of resolve to accomplish it. With no hint of hesitation, she was trudging forward, breaking ground, and it was smarter to follow than get in the way.

Polite conversations, polite questions, polite nodding of the head…indeed she cares deeply for what they have to say. Exhaustion mixed with hatred. They all wore masks of civility, another fact of life… "And what's with all the touching?" Morrigan questioned.

Snapping to attention she shrugged her shoulders, "I don't know…I'm not human."

"Oh come now, you may be an elf but…" Kila felt the hair on the back of her neck rise…_she wouldn't say this would she?_ "…you were raised among humans you're all…" Anger starting to rise at the idea…the sore spot. _You wouldn't…_. "…practically the same". _Traitor_.

"What?" was all Kila managed to spit out. Her exhaustion gave way to instant, hot anger.

Morrigan opened her mouth to explain it further, oblivious to the anger she was inciting, "Well it's not like you're all that different, you both…"

"Don't you dare…" she cut Morrigan's words off suddenly, "_Don't you dare say such a thing to me_." Venomous words were spat past her sneering lips. Morrigan stared in shock at the sudden change. What had she said?

Kila took several steps back, towards camp, the rage teeming in her slight body, leaving her shaking and clumsy. Everyone looked up in surprise. Conversation stopped mid-sentence, stirring of food stopped mid whisk…what did they miss?

The vibrating of her body was reflected in her voice as she sputtered, "They…they call _us_ animals. They say we're little more than dressed up pets. But they…_they_ are the animals. _Monsters_." Leliana looked to Alistair who returned a confused shoulder shrug, and over to Morrigan who was still staring at Kila in silent disbelief. This indeed was a change from the usual icy elf they were used to, but not a change any of them wanted to see. Each of them shifted uncomfortably.

Kila backed herself over to the fire, hitting her heel on the makeshift log seat, sitting down hard. She stared into the flames, falling quiet for a moment, hugging her arms, still quivering in anger. Her mouth kept twisting, like a feral scream lie just beneath them.

"They call us animals…"she repeated, in an eerie calm. "But who are the ones destroying the little bit of joy in the world?" Silence, "_Huh_?!" her voice rose sharply as she demanded an answer that no one dared to give. "Who are the ones storming in on a wedding, taking us away just because they can?" Again, eyes darted around to one another, each realizing Kila was no longer with them. As she stared into the fire, she was looking back to something that was no longer there – old demons dancing before her eyes.

Her words were still calm, but her voice trembled, threatening to turn into a feral scream at any second, "They took us all. They…I had to watch my friend be struck down. Watch the blood…gurgling up from her chest while her eyes pleaded to me for aid I could not give. I watched. I watched as she died at my feet. They…she just said she wanted to go home. That was her crime…b…begging to go home…the guards took the rest of my friends from me and I…" her voice finally cracked and her mouth snapped shut for a moment, chocking back…a shriek? A cry? Her eyes began to well with tears.

"My cousin, and fiancée made their way past the guards to rescue us. I killed, so many, so much blood, but…I knew then…I knew Nelaros was perfect for me…" her voice trailed off, taking off a softer tone. She truly was no longer sitting at camp with them anymore – she was not fully aware she was even saying this aloud, "Only he and my cousin took up arms to help when no one else would. None of my kin…That's how I knew we were perfect together. He would have accepted all this…" she sweepingly gestured to her weapons, "in me. He wouldn't know me as a troublemaker, he would know me as strong…as he was." Her face clouded over again, "but they murdered him right before my eyes. He fell…I didn't kill enough, I didn't kill fast enough. And then to find my dearest friend, my cousin…lying on the floor, a broken woman…with _him_ standing above her with that horrible smug look on his face. I just knew…" Even the couple pieces of hair gently framing her face started to quiver as the anger rose again quickly. It was so hard to make the words come out. So hard to be coherent and talk over the shudders coursing through her.

Her entire being was trembling with rage, but she held still. A single tear finally rolled down her cheek as she continued, "_I killed him! Like the dogs they are! I killed them all but it wasn't enough. Never_…" frantically she started blinking. Blinking away the tears, blinking away the scene before her, blinking away the memories. She was back. Turning towards the humans she added, "Don't ever call me one of them. Don't…you…ever…"

Stunned silence befell the camp. Afraid to even breathe, everyone stood still, slowly swallowing the disgust from what they just heard, putting the pieces together of their relationship so far. Do people really do these things? Alistair opened his mouth to defend himself, how can she compare him to those…fiends? Leliana shot him a quick look, shaking her head. He closed his mouth.

Her smooth Orlaisian accent gently broke the quiet barely above a whisper, "They were monsters Kila. They were not men, those _were_ monsters." Kila did not react, so Leliana gently pushed on, "They were monsters that deserved no mercy." Part of her said to stop, leave well enough alone, but another part told her this must be said. For the first time they were seeing past her mask, and it might be the only time, "You once pointed out to me that I see elves differently and bade me not to do so. You were right and now I ask the same of you. Please don't paint us all with the same brush…especially not with the same brush as those monsters. We're not all capable of such horrors…" With very little reaction from Kila to gauge how the words fell on her, the companions again exchanged worried glances. There was more Leliana wanted to say, about how she hasn't met many good folk but it's because they shy away from Alienages out of concern for safety, not because they don't exist…

With sharp inhale Kila rose to her feet, not giving Leliana a chance to continue her prattle. Blood rushed to her cheeks as she slowly became aware of the humiliating scene she just created. Perfect…that's how you handle the enemy, show them your under belly. They were still the enemy weren't they? Her eyes quickly darted to each face of her three companions, noting the deep, albeit, unsettled look of concern in their eyes. "You have given me much to think about," she said curtly and she pushed past everyone to her tent. A stunned hush settled in for the remainder of the evening. What more could be said?


End file.
